“What is self-care for newly widowed people?

Grief can be an overwhelming and painful experience, affecting us both emotionally and physically, possibly in ways we won’t even expect.

It is understandable that there will be days that you can’t face the thought of getting out of bed and even a task as simple as preparing a meal will seem overwhelming. You won’t always feel like this.

Part of that process, is to ensure that you look after yourself, mentally, emotionally and physically. 

You may feel tempted to put all your energy into looking after those around you especially if you have children, but, as the saying goes, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’.

Be gentle with yourself as you grieve and recognise your limits. Prioritise your own self-care so you can process what has happened, and keep in mind that you may need to specifically focus on this area for a time.

Here are some self-care tips to help you cope with grief in a healthy way.

• Acknowledge your emotions 

• Take care of your physical health 

• Find moments of calm, joy and laughter

• Do activities you enjoy 

• Practice mindfulness and meditation” 

·     Click here for detail from Sophia Dembling’s Widow's Walk

1.) Find the right words

2.) Be there

3.) Bring food, but coordinate with others

4.) Help around the house

5.) Offer to take the kids out

6.) Get him or her out of the house

7.) Start where you can, and remember grieving takes time*

*courtesy of https://www.czepigalaw.com

Here’s how one widow took his pain and grief to help other widowed men…

Herb Knoll lost his wife, Michelle to pancreatic cancer on March 7, 2008. Knoll is a retired bank executive, marketer, and professional speaker turned widower advocate. He founded the Michelle’s Angels Foundation, Inc., a not-for-profit organization, whose mission it is to “provide love, hope, compassion, and comforting music to those who quietly suffer” (MichellesAngel.com). Knoll also founded the Widowers Support Network in 2014 so he could better serve, comfort, and assist widowers and those who love them.

Check these out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDYjdvSf7ZA

https://www.opentohope.com/overcoming-male-grief-the-widowers-journey/

A support group then led to Rosenstein and Yopp’s new book, THE GROUP: SEVEN WIDOWED PARENTS REIMAGINE LIFE. This book takes the reader through the challenges and triumphs of seven men, whose wives died from cancer, who were left to raise their young children alone.

If you’re a widowed parent, you’ll absolutely see yourself in them, learn from them, and feel inspired by these seven men. I found myself rooting for them each step of the way and becoming interested in the situations that arose for them, and how they handled them.

ORDER THE BOOK ON AMAZON

The widowed community is an under served community and I look forward to helping the widowed find the support and new beginnings they need through SSI and Widowed Village.

I am now a Regional Leader for Soaring Spirits International (SSI) https://www.soaring spirits.org. They minister to widowed people by offering extremely helpful support and social groups globally. I will be leading a social group of peer-to-peer support in South Orange County CA. 

If you know of anyone who is widowed or has lost their love partner and they are local to Orange County CA please send them to my site https://widowedvillage.org/event-region/south-orange-county/

My events are listed there. Widowed people just need to join Widowed Village for the protection of all. There is no cost to belong.

Please repost for widowed people around you. 

 #widowedparent #widoweddad #widower #death #widow

For the next 90 days I will focus on helping widowed people so my Blog will focus on these needs.  

 This week’s Blog is Help After Death of A Partner — Jeanne Gormick Speaker Author

https://www.jeannegormick.com/help-after-death-of-a-partner/

#widowed #widow #widower #death #loss

I am now a Regional Leader for Soaring Spirits International (SSI) https://www.soaringspirits.org. They minister to widowed people by offering helpful support and social groups available globally. I will be leading a social group of peer-to-peer support in South Orange County CA. 

If you know of anyone who is widowed or has lost their love partner please send them to my site below so they can join Widowed Village and attend any event globally or join ours.

https://widowedvillage.org/event-region/south-orange-county/

NOTE: Widowed people are invited to join Widowed Village for the protection of all. There is no cost to belong. If you want to come to my events, please forward the acknowledgement email once you join.

The widowed community is an under served community and I look forward to helping the widowed find the support and new beginnings they need through SSI and Widowed Village.

Please re-post for widowed people around you. Thank you

#widower #widowed #widow #death

Don’t EVER give out your bank account info or give them $ no matter how sad their sob story is!

 Do your best to check your date’s phone number before you send a text, which would indicate your phone number.  At some point you might just have to trust the Lord or risk frustrating the guy. One date jokingly called me an interrogator in the interrogation, but he understood the precautions I was taking.

1.) Others don’t understand the loss of their dearest companion.

2.)  Stages of grief are discussed from a different perspective. We are reminded that people don’t move through the stages in any predictable manner.

3.) We are reminded that grief is unique and grieving persons are warned not to compare themselves with another person.

4.) Non-grieving people don’t fully understand the level of loss the grieving person has suffered

A.) Do they know the suffering caused by the loss of a future with the deceased partner?

B.)  Do they fully appreciate all the life events that the grieving partner will face alone?

For more consider Miriam Neff’s  book which facilitates a deeper understanding of grief. https://www.moodypublishers.com/from-one-widow-to-another/?srsltid=AfmBOooFlhwdlmrD5rjw5k5e5Ie6iUIpBBIsw0oJNG8CMQ3VxjjoRMk1

Love bombing is the action or practice of lavishly giving someone attention or affection, especially in order to influence or manipulate them.

 For example, early before they even know you they say that you are the perfect person. That you are exactly what they’ve been searching for. Or they keep sending you texts of pictures & expressions of love.

 If it feels like too much, it most likely is!

Let’s face it, the term “widowed parent” is a double whammy. To be widowed is one thing. To be sure, being widowed and a parent doubles the challenge.

Grief Counselor, Justin Yopp, PhD shares…

“I see firsthand how hard it is to assume the roles of someone grieving and someone parenting. Add a tough job to a rough time (think: mourning, grieving, bereavement) in one’s life… and it’s time to get some support.”

Here’s a national organization for support to widowed parents across the country, with a website www.widowedparent.org*.

*It started with a support group they formed, in which seven widowed fathers sat together to talk about the challenges they were facing in their “new lives without their spouse” and feeling overwhelmed with simultaneously grieving and raising their children.

You should be willing to let the inappropriate mates go. Yield and surrender to the signs the Holy Spirit is giving you and don’t get sidetracked from the list you’ve created.

 The things on your list are your expression of what you want in an ideal relationship. Honor yourself and the other person by letting them go to find their perfect person to love.

These organizations are offered to provide grief support, education and resources to families affected by the death of a loved one. Use these resources to answer your questions, or to help your loved ones through the grief journey.

• Wings for Widows –Wings for Widows provides professional financial coaching and education to help newly widowed men and women navigate the financial trauma that defines early widowhood. We provide financial advice, education, and encouragement at no cost; the results are financial clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.

• What’s Your Grief –What’s Your Grief offers online and in-person continuing education training for grief support professionals. Using an accessible approach and a combination of practical and creative tools, we strive to help participants utilize relevant and useful theories, tools, and techniques in their work with people grieving a wide range of losses.

• Option B –OptionB.Org is a nonprofit initiative of the Sheryl Sandberg & Dave Goldberg Family Foundation. Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, but all too often, no one talks about it. Here you’ll find personal stories that deal with loss openly and honestly.

• National Funeral Directors –Remembering A Life is a consumer education initiative created by the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA). NFDA is the world's leading and largest funeral service association, serving 19,700 individual members who represent more than 10,000 funeral homes in the United States and 49 countries around the world. NFDA is the trusted leader, beacon for ethics and the strongest advocate for the profession.

• Hospice Foundation of America –HFA is a trusted source of information on end of life, hospice care and grief. Throughout this site you will find information about living with advanced life-limiting illness, options for care and helpful resources for caregivers.

• WebMD –Read this article to understand the truth about the five stages, a new way to manage grief, how to avoid saying the wrong thing to someone in grief and much more useful information.

• GriefNet –Our grief support groups operate 24-hours/day, 365 days/year. Members participate when they wish and are able to, not at a set time. When one member of a group sends an email message to the group, everyone in the group receives a copy. This allows many people to respond with love and caring to the thoughts and feelings of an individual, day and night, year-round. Since 1994 these groups have helped thousands of people around the world deal safely with their grief.

• VITAS Healthcare –VITAS Healthcare support groups provide information and guidance to those experiencing grief and loss. We offer an assortment of phone-in support groups and Zoom video support groups, free of charge, to help meet the needs of caregivers. These support groups are offered by VITAS Bereavement Services.

• Widowed Men –The GriefCare Place opened its doors in June of 1997. It offers a SAFE PLACE where those grieving the death of a loved one can find support, education, understanding, and a caring place to heal. The center serves individuals of all ages, offers a home-like atmosphere and is a non-denominational faith based organization where those of strong faith or those of none can come comfortably.

Courtesy of Soaring Spirits International

Losing your partner and coping as a parent doubles the challenge of this situation. This article can help.

A Dual Identity: Widow and Parent and How to Succeed as Both By Jill S. Cohen, Family Grief Counselor

https://www.jillgriefcounselor.com/blog/a-dual-identity-widow-and-parent-and-how-to-succeed-as-both

Ask each other how they feel about having children. How large a family do they want?

 If children are already involved, protect them from being in the relationship prematurely.           

Protect their young hearts from your potential break-ups. Take your time before introducing them to your dates.

1.      What kinds of things do you think about as you go about your day?  Or during your idle time?  

 2.      What do you do during your free time? 

 3.      Are you involved with any community volunteer organizations? 

 4.      What is your favorite bible verse? 

 5.      When you pray, do you read prescribed prayers, or are you a          spontaneous prayer warrior? 

Plan for coffee, a drink or a meal

 Anywhere where you can talk and, to be safe, there are other people are around

 The movies might not be a best first date unless you go somewhere to talk afterwards.

HEAD  - what do you need on a practical level - Where do you want to live, want kids? Discuss, parenting, family life, pets, finances, retirement plans, politics, religion - spiritual intimacy, education, health and fitness, vacation styles, etc. These are all easier with early discussions.

 HEART – what do you need on an emotional level? Evaluate the level of engagement when you talk to that person. Watch their sense of humor, communication style, mutual admiration. Trust is developing thru emotional intimacy. You both need to feel safe, seen, and understood.

(MY NOTE meaningful relationships require trust and trust is built over time.)

 HEAT – what do you need on a physical level Looks, age, sex appeal, weight, height, style, physical intimacy preferences, compatibility – it’s about chemistry

1.) Tell me about your spiritual journey 

 2.) Have you ever asked Jesus into your heart? Tell me about that.

 3.) Do you have a personal relationship with Him, separate from your parent’s faith?

Lists work for business plans, why not create one for your life plan!

 Have you created a dating list yet?

 Be sure to pray before beginning the list?