Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! - Spending (Buying) Like the Rich Do…

The following is an excerpt from the book Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! by V. Jeanne Gormick.

The Rich Spend Wisely...So Can You:  Before we get judged as grungy, second hand people, let me share some comments from an article in the Los Angeles Times.  Rose Apodaca in her "Comeback Castoffs" explains, "Filling homes with used goods is nothing new.  But instead of focusing on furniture 100-plus years old and designated antique, the Yokoyamas and Dyson are among those who find high style in a melange of knickknacks, pictures, toys and furniture only a few decades old.  The recycling revolution and tight purse strings of the 90's have helped fuel these 'early thrift shop' interiors that are as unconventional as they are comfortable, as quirky as they are endearing.  Dyson and the Yokoyamas don't discount the financial advantages of their eclectic decorating styles, but their decisions to fill their homes with secondhand finds also is rooted in the fascination with living among furnishings that are different, rare and have a little history--albeit often unknown to them."

Are you getting a little more comfortable now?  This was in the prestigious Los Angeles Times, after all.

The article continues, "'Easy and cheap' is how he now describes his interior theme.  'People get so over concerned with brand names, but a lot of basic stuff is better made,' he said.  'It's American made.  Now I'm almost obsessed with buying old."18 (And another one bites the dust of the second-hand shop!)

Some of Our Unbelievable Buys...We've accumulated many secondhand treasures over the years, but I realized we might be in trouble, when Tim looked around our living room and asked me if anything in the room had been purchased new.  It took me a minute, but some of the stereo equipment was the first purchase we'd made as a married couple, (before we got hooked and realized what a waste of money it was to buy anything new).

Over the years we've gotten antiques, camping equipment, desert bikes, radio controlled cars, a tile cutter for $1, office supplies, even a $500 Cadillac for our daughter (she didn't like it, so we sold it for $1,000), skis and winter clothing; furniture; a freezer; toys; how about a near-new lawn mower for only $5!  Some of the greatest things we've gotten include a ring Cal fell in love with.  It cost him 50c.  It is the ugliest, big fat ring I've ever seen!  But, as we discovered later, he made a true investment with only 50c.  We cleaned it up and found an antique rose gold and brass Spanish or Mexican family crest ring.  Thank goodness Cal didn't wear it, but I still have it as a symbol of our "saling" conquests.  We were told it's worth at least a couple of hundred dollars.  A neat benefit of purchasing these things is that when we are finished with them, we can usually sell them for about the same (and sometimes more, like the Cadillac) than we bought them for.  You can't hate that!

My favorite acquisition came in a $1 bag of old books.  At the end of a flea market up in Idyllewild, California on a camping trip, we could fill bags with anything and pay just $1 a bag.  I headed straight for the old books.  As we drove home, I started looking more carefully at my books and found one was from the library of Cecil B. DeMille!  It isn't worth much to anyone else, but it makes a great story and I really enjoyed reading it.  It's entitled, "The Revolt of Modern Youth" and was published in 1925.  Very interesting!

Maintain Your Standards and Still Save Money:  I jokingly say that I'm cheap, but I'm really not.  I do have my standards.  I don't buy food products at garage sales unless it's a lemonade sold by entrepreneurial kids.  I may be a bargain addict; but I never buy used drugs or cosmetics.  I never buy used things for gifts, unless the receiver enjoys antiques.  Oh, dear, did I say, "never?"  I picked up a whole box of beautiful, hand-crafted wooden Christmas ornaments.  I placed them into three separate bags and saved them for each of the kids' first Christmas as a married couple.

Consider buying gifts (new ones!) throughout the year.  This is great for gifts to be given to grown family members and friends.  Children are harder to do this with, since their likes and dislikes change so often.  I shop at sales and purchase gifts for birthdays and Christmas all year round.  This not only provides for overall savings, but it doesn't put such a burden on our holiday budget and it saves a lot of time.  By the way, I have picked up some nice quality gift wrap, bags and cards at a number of garage sales.  That saves much more than you can imagine!

Save at Swap Meets:  In our area swap meets have changed over the years.  They used to be like giant garage sales with almost anything you could imagine.  Now, they've become big business and are more like strip mall shopping.  The same vendors are there week after week and, though prices may be less than retail, you need to be cautious.  Unlike outlet stores, these vendors have purchased items in large quantities and they aren't always as particular about their reputations as larger retailers are.  Swap meets can be fun to attend.  Always get there early and be prepared to do lots of walking. 

Many items aren't marked, so be ready to ask and bargain on everything!  Many of these vendors love the sport of the deal.  Check out each aisle before you buy.  Sometimes the same merchandise is being sold at other booths for less.

Save at Auctions:  Cal and I owned a Goods and Services Auction business that benefited the nonprofit community.  If a charitable organization is planning an auction, you can offer to get something donated and go bid on it yourself.  Everybody wins.  The merchant gains community exposure, the nonprofit organization makes money and you'll probably make your purchase for much less than the retail price.  Sometimes, however, items do sell for more than retail because the audience is supporting the organization.  To save you money, this technique works best on unique or specialized items.  That generally reduces competition on the bidding.

There are all kinds of auctions.  Real estate, art, antiques, junk, office equipment, and automobiles are auctioned on a regular basis.  School districts, police departments, cities and other government agencies hold auctions all the time.  EBay and other Internet sites are another fun way to buy or sell things.  Check the appendix for further information on auctions.  Be sure to be prepared with proper payment.  Some require cash, while others require cashier's checks just to obtain a bidding number.  Always go prepared, so you aren't disappointed.  Also be sure you know the conditions of the sale.  Many times your sale will be final -- no returns, no refunds.  Most of the time you will be buying the items "as is."  Know the price range of the items you will bid on.  If you're not sure, set a maximum figure in your own mind and stick to it.  Auction bidding can be very contagious, which could be costly in terms of dollars.  In other words, control yourself.

Be particularly cautious at auto auctions.  We recently attended our first one.  Some cars didn't even start and those that did were started only.  You couldn't test drive them or even see if the transmission worked.  This could result in major repair costs on your otherwise "great deal."  Some were from a towing yard and had no keys.  That is an additional expense to consider.  Also be sure you know about any tax, licensing or other fees that might be added to your final purchase costs.  We recommend you go and watch the first time and take your money only if you feel comfortable.  Many times used car dealers will be bidding against you.  The prices may not be as good as you would expect.  Just go with your eyes open and listen to the Holy Spirit for guidance.


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Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! - Pre-Owned, Used, Secondhand Savings

The following is an excerpt from the book Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! by V. Jeanne Gormick.

Save By Buying Secondhand:  Thrift, resale and consignment shops have popped up everywhere and smart parents are now discovering them.  Visit on a regular basis to check out new merchandise as it comes in.  Get onto email lists, so you'll know when a sale is coming up.  Watch for broken buttons or zippers and decide if they can easily be repaired.  Pass it up, if it looks too difficult to fix.  Don't forget that items such as strollers, playpens, with car seats, toys, etc., need to be checked to be sure all the moving parts work correctly and that they meet current government safety standards.  For safety reasons purchasing new simply makes more sense, especially in car seats.  Some automotive stores and hospitals have great prices on them and don't forget to check your wholesale outlets and the Internet.  I still remember visiting my mother years ago and the only car seat she could find for our son, Todd was one that sat draped over the front seat of the car (obviously from the '50s).  Safety was obviously not a consideration, when that one was built!  I suppose today it might even be considered a valuable collector's item.

Some Secondhand Cautions and Ideas:  If you are buying anything from a second-hand store, take the same precautions you would at a garage sale.  Unlike garage sales, consignment stores sometimes offer lay away plans.  Be sure to check it out.  Consignment shops offer an opportunity not only to purchase, but also to sell or do a little of both!  I loved the ones for children's clothing, especially when one of the boys needed a suit.  I'd buy it for, maybe $15; use it and resell it in the same shop for 20% less.  It ended up costing me $3.00.  Generally, the clothing in consignment shops is of higher quality, whether you are looking for children's clothing or adult clothing.  Magnificent evening dresses, brand name work suits and beautiful maternity wear offered at some consignment shops can stretch even the most modest of budgets and make you feel really special.  There are tremendous bargains to be had around every corner.  You just need to know where to look.  

Garage Sale Shopping:  Garage sale participation really began to increase as an obsession as our kids grew out of their baseball and soccer games.  Suddenly our Saturdays were free.  Yes, there is life after Little League!  We had extra time on our hands, so we just headed out for trouble.  No sleeping late on Saturdays for us.  Bright and early we hit the garage sale trail.  Our addiction has gone so overboard that we actually got it down to a science.  I'm here to convince all of you of the wisdom of what I call "ultimate recycling"!

One Saturday, when our adult son, Tim didn't have to work it was just like Christmas morning.  He couldn't wait to "get on the road!"  He brought us our coffee and encouraged us to hurry, before the bargains were all gone.  What have we done!  Oh, what have we done!

Later Tim, actually started a business selling garage sale finds on Ebay.

When our son, Todd headed off to his own college apartment, he learned the value of garage sale buying.  Within a month Todd had a great wooden dinette set for $35; a sleeper sofa for $25; a couch for $50; 2 bar stools (which I recovered for him) for $12; and a wooden parquet coffee table and end table for $40.  When was the last time you furnished a home for under $200?  Admittedly, that was some 30 years ago, but second hand finds can still save you lots of money. He had enough left to buy a brand new mattress!  (As a matter of policy, we don't buy mattresses at garage sales!)  Our adult daughter, Julie, wasn't as dedicated to participating in these weekend endeavors, but when she moved out she picked up a nice leather chair for $25.  The rest of her stuff she got from friends.

Buying at Estate Sales:  Cal and I generally prefer garage sales to estate sales.  Estate sales are often conducted by a third party who will be paid a percentage of the sale.  Prices tend to be higher and may not be as negotiable, since you are not dealing with the owner and the selling agency takes a percentage of what is sold.  On the other hand, estate sales can produce some beautiful furnishings and antiques.  A lot depends upon what you are looking for.

Cal's Important "50% Rule": Cal always used this at garage sales.  In negotiating price he started with an offer 50% less than the marked or asked for price.  Many times sellers just want to get rid of the thing so much that they agree right on the spot.  Other times, they continue the negotiation and the price comes up from there.  Sometimes they refuse to budge.  At that point you must decide how much you really want the item.  Cal's 50% Rule saved him an incredible amount of money.  He loved applying it.  Bargaining is so much fun.  This kind of negotiation and bargaining is commonplace in other countries.  Now you, too, can enjoy the sport of it without even leaving this great country of ours.


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Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! - Saving Money

The following is an excerpt from the book Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! by V. Jeanne Gormick.

On Groceries:  I planned my food menu around what was on sale and items for which I had coupons or other discounts.  Today coupons and other money saving tricks are also available on the Internet for those of you who are technologically advanced.  

I start in the paper and ad flyers looking for good deals on items I will use over the month or put up for storage.  We live in California, so I include boxed drinks, bottled water, and other earthquake preparedness food along with my storage items.  I have a freezer in the garage, which we picked up second hand for $75 several years ago.  This allows me to stock up on frozen foods.  Remember to rotate your stockpiled food, so it's always fresh.

By Growing A Garden:  If you don't have the black thumb I was born with, a recent article suggests another idea..."While many gardeners today cite great taste and avoiding chemicals as reasons to grow their own food, there is another important reason:  It's cheaper.  Even with the toil and time spent, typically five or six hours a week after the garden is planted--gardeners say they are genuinely saving money when they grow it themselves.  Keeping costs down in the garden, resulting in cheaper food than can be bought at the grocery store, is not difficult, they say."12 In the long run, your family will be healthier and you'll all spend less time in the doctor's office.  Besides, a garden can be used as an opportunity to teach science lessons.

By Stocking Up:  I used to stock up on cosmetics, shampoos, and over the counter medicines when they were on sale.  It is wise to try to set some extra money aside, so you can take advantage of bargain prices or great coupons to stock up for the future.  Be careful, however, not to purchase more medications than you can use before their expiration dates.

In Other Ways at the Grocery Store – Plan ahead. Organize your menus to make your shopping list.  Stick to the list and keep a running total as you shop. Never shop when you are hungry. Leave impulse buyers at home (sometimes this is Dad!)  It’s great to pay with cash. Avoid junk food. Go to the back of products on grocery shelves to get the farthest out dates for the freshest items. 

Interesting fact my mother once taught me if you are a cheese lover.  If the label says “cheese food”, it may look like real cheese, but it’s not!

Periodically check your pantry for main dishes and be creative. Think eggs for dinner once in a while. They are less expensive than cuts of meat. Order groceries online to avoid impulse buying. Check out apps on your phone and shop the perimeter of the store to avoid costly processed foods.

I used to save even more on groceries through rebates:  This involved getting a few dollars back and sometimes free merchandise or additional coupons simply by purchasing an item and then sending in a refund form with the required packaging.  As a refunder, I also searched the papers for sale prices on items I might need to complete a refund deal. This has changed considerably since I raised our kids. 

Today, try Googling Krazy Coupon Lady and other rebate apps.  

Back in the day I used to take refunding even further by saving all the packages from name brand items for the next refund offer that presented itself.  To store these I bought an old file cabinet for $5.00 at a school district auction.  My cabinet was in a shed in the back yard, but it could also go in a garage, an attic or a basement.  Several members of my refunding club (yes, there are other compulsive savers out there!) used free orange and apple packing boxes from the produce department.  I arranged my packaging files by product categories the same way I arranged my coupons.  The entire box or package should be saved, so you can send in exactly what the manufacturer requires.  They keep refunders (that's us) hopping by requiring different portions for different refund offers.  Sometimes it is the "Proof of Purchase" or the UPC (that funny looking computer gobbledygook).  It might be an entire side panel or something else.  They always seem to want us to work for whatever we get back!

I also kept all my grocery receipts, filed by date, in a plastic bag.  Most manufacturers require a dated receipt.  The family was trained to save all brand name packages by putting them on the counter instead of throwing them away.  When the kids were little, I used to trade the packaging, grocery receipts, and forms with others in the refunding club.  One gal was so organized that she had computerized all her packaging and would bring a printed list to our monthly meetings.  We could check our needs against her list and then trade with her.

I know this seems like a very time consuming venture, but you'd be surprised at how much we all saved on our groceries.  Besides, we all brought our kids so they had a little monthly play group while we saved our families money.  One member set aside the one and two dollar refunds she received for her baby's education.  The baby was three, when I left the club and she had already purchased several thousand dollars in savings bonds for him.  She had made refunding a career and it was working!  I used to put the money I saved on my grocery receipts by using coupons (the red part of the receipt) directly into the bank.  I did this because I remembered a comment made by my 8th grade math teacher, Mrs. Bentley.  She said you really never "saved" money, unless you put the savings into a bank account.  Thank-you, Mrs. Bentley.  Over the years those savings have come in handy!

By Saving With Neighborhood Food Co-ops:  Many young families are now involved with food co-ops.  Though we never joined one, mothers who participated seemed very pleased by their savings.  I recently spoke with one mother from Maine who is thinking of making her participation into a business.  She's discovered that some mothers don't like taking time to go to the warehouse and order their own products.  She's been doing it for them and taking a percentage off the top.  Her sixteen year old son sometimes helped her.  Perhaps a young entrepreneur is about to be born!?! 

By Trying A Cooking Co-op:  An interesting twist on food co-ops is a cooking co-op.  An article I found, "How to Start a Cooking Co-op" described neighbors who got together to create a cooking co-op in their neighborhood.  This saved money for each household, because they cooked in quantity.  The result was a money saver, a time saver and each family was treated to a wide variety of great home cooked food.  This could easily be duplicated within a church.

Are You Pregnant Or Have A Baby?  Nursing your baby is much less expensive in addition to being healthier for the baby.  I just priced baby formula at Walmart for $35.98 for a 28.3 oz “value can.”  Dr. Hugh Stallworth's "To Your Health" column in the Orange County Register indicates that, "many women find breast feeding actually takes less time and allows them to rest more."  He continues, "Breast milk requires no preparation; it is always at the right temperature and pure.  A mother gets to sit and rest when she nurses.  Parents who use artificial baby milk must shop for supplies, prepare formulas in bottles, store everything correctly and clean up.  Human milk is easily digested, contains antibodies that help fight infection, and has all the nutrients required for growth and development."

Another article "A Gift From Mothers, to Mothers" indicates, "Breast milk has been called nature's most perfect food.  Medical knowledge on exactly how it helps infants develop is still emerging, but doctors know that human milk is more easily digested than formula by some babies with fragile gastrointestinal systems.  Human milk also contains some proteins, which cannot be artificially produced, to help prevent infection.  'Human milk is the best choice,' says Nitin Mehta, a neonatologist at Georgetown.  Whenever possible I try to use human milk, especially for premature infants...We try to get mothers to pump their own milk.  If that's not possible, we have donor milk.'"

Clearly, your milk is God's perfect food for your little baby.  He created it just for your baby.  Working moms can express their own milk for the baby, but it can become a very tiresome activity unless you can afford a breast pump.  Is this another good incentive to be home with your own little baby?

If you do choose to express your milk, another article suggests that you make the appropriate arrangements at your workplace.  "Ask other mothers if they pumped at your workplace and what facilities they were able to use.  If you're comfortable raising the issue with your boss, ask him or her for help.  Otherwise, inquire at the personnel office." Be sure to refrigerate the expressed milk, so it will remain the best possible quality food for your little one.

For further information about breast feeding, please contact your local La Leche League.  Your doctor or hospital should be able to provide you with information.

Saving at Wholesale Stores:  Wholesale stores like Costco or Sam's Club in our area, offer things at substantially less cost, but there is also a science to shopping wholesale stores.  Never buy more than you can use, especially in perishable goods.  Consider going in together with a friend to split the cost (and the savings).  It's like an informal food co-op.  I still remember a mass purchase made by my husband, Cal on some kind of hair stuff he loved.  His hairstyle went out of fashion way before he used it all up!  Even things like canned foods don't last forever, especially if you have hot spells in your area.

Warehouse stores sell larger quantities of things you might use every day for less money per item, but wasting food never saves you money...so be cautious!

Overcoming Storage Problems:  Storage of bulk purchases of even nonperishable foods may appear to be a problem at first glance, until you consider every unused space in your home.  I still use the top shelf of my linen closet for canned goods, cereals, packaged items, shampoos, etc.  Don't forget shelves in kids' closets and the space under everyone's bed.  It might even make cleaning your kids' rooms easier.  That sounds like a plan to me!  Clutter need not be a problem in your quest to save every last penny!  Pasta, rice and flour can be stored in your freezer, which also helps prevent those pesky little black bugs.  I guess they don't like the cold.

Always Price Compare:  Check prices, even at wholesale outlets.  Check unit pricing to be sure buying in bulk makes sense.

Buying at Outlet Stores:  Look into outlet stores.  Generally located in outlying areas, the drive can be worth it.  Take some friends and make a day of it.  Avoid spending a lot on lunch, though.  Why not plan to brown-bag it, since the real purpose is saving money?  You never know what you'll find, so do your market research shopping before venturing out.  Get an idea of the prices on similar brand name items in department stores or check prices on your phone.  Be an informed shopper at all times!  Some of the merchandise may not be first quality and your purchases might not be returnable.  Ask lots of questions, until you are satisfied that you know what you are buying.  Try everything on.  Be sure gifts won't pose a problem for the recipient, because they can't be returned or exchanged.  Be careful not to go hog wild just  because everything is discounted.  Go through Cal's Bargain Hunting Secrets in Chapter 10 before you make a final purchase.  I've found that if you appreciate name brand items (I don't!), you can actually obtain substantial savings if you go in as an informed consumer.


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Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! - Make Money by Spending Less

The following is an excerpt from the book Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! by V. Jeanne Gormick.

To be successful in your pursuit to stay home and raise your own children--to watch their games, lessons and recitals, i.e., be involved parents*, you'll probably need to find ways to save money.  Start by living within your means, working with the money you do have (or will have left when you leave your job.)  When you make your money go farther, you need less of it.  

We've all heard the saying, "A penny earned, is a penny saved."  Remember that you aren't taxed on the money you save.  In John 6:12 Jesus is pretty clear... "When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, 'Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.'"    You had been helping provide income for your family.  Now that's gone.  Don't worry! Your "means" have simply changed.  You really can make it!

Researcher, Bill Danko, doing a study on millionaires comes up with this advice:  "'Live below your means.'  By setting aside 15% of after-tax income for savings, forgoing some luxuries and investing wisely, almost anyone can become a millionaire over the course of a working life."

Learn to buy only what you absolutely need and wait for prices to come down on the other stuff!  Do everything you can to wipe out what Dr. James Dobson calls "the disease of materialism."

Spend Less by Cutting Expenses:  Saving money on groceries, buying second hand furniture, recycling children's clothing and purchasing other things at garage sales can help you reduce expenses in an attempt to stay at home with your children.

*Though I am mostly writing to mothers, it is critical that both parents be involved with their children.  Rabbi Daniel Lavin explains, "A profound insight to reality is disclosed by there being no singular word in Hebrew for 'parent.'  The word horim, only exists in the plural.  An individual is a mother or a father, an individual can valiantly try to fill both roles, but being parents is possible only for a couple."11 


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Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! - Why You Should Stay Home

The following is an excerpt from the book Quit Your Job! You Really Can Afford Stay at Home Parenthood! by V. Jeanne Gormick.

In The Working Mother's Guide to Sanity, Elsa Houtz reminds us, that "what we are doing is important because God has given us the task of preparing a new generation for life." 

Raising our future leaders takes men and women who will seek the Lord to help them with their families.  It takes an act of will to make our homes into sanctuaries of the Lord.  We must be diligent in our walk with God.  It was only through my own search for the Lord and then growth with Him that produced the family we have today.

Keep in mind that parental rule in the family is actually a symbol of God's authority.  "If children are not taught to obey their parents, they often find it difficult to obey God.  If their rebellion is not curbed early in life, they will continue to rebel against all authority.  Children must have their will broken, but not their spirit." If children are left to their own, they won't accept God's authority in their lives.

There are other important reasons to consider how your children will be raised and by whom.  A Guidelines for Living article on marriage issues the following warning to parents, "Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner, a noted authority on family living, sees a definite relationship between juvenile delinquency and troubled behavior among children, and an absent mother whose presence is taken from the home because of her job."

Evaluating The Real Cost of Returning to (or Remaining at) Work:  Remember that things like work clothes, cosmetics, hair/nail care, dry cleaning, transportation, eating out, purchasing convenience foods, child care, etc., all reduce your income.  Your tax bracket may also change, taking a huge chunk out of your hard-earned income.  Your family may even be denied certain home loan programs or college scholarships for your children because of your income.  Qualifying income amounts do not always reflect your usable "take-home" pay.  These loans and scholarships can add up to thousands of untaxed dollars.  Then, there is the unknown cost of lost nurturing to your children.  It might surprise you that your final salary isn't really worth the price. 

Find a calculator online to help you determine if you can afford to give up your job and stay home to raise your own child.

One Mother's Story:  This young mother went through a struggle similar to mine.  She says it best, 

"My husband had always been used to me working and bringing in at least as much money as he did.  It was very strange, though, that we never had anything to show for it.  This is when I learned that it isn't how much money you make, it's what you do with the money you have.  I really struggle a lot because I had been used to having my own money to spend.  I was afraid to let my husband be in control of the finances.  I didn't feel that I could trust him.  What I didn't realize was, that by having a job and taking care of the money, I was robbing him of his self-esteem.  I wasn't letting him be the head of the family.  I had to learn to be content where I was and let God take care of my needs.  I realized that if we could not live on what my husband made, we were living beyond our means."

The Truth About Working Mothers:  The Working Mother's Guide To Sanity by Elsa Houtz has important gems of wisdom for working mothers, but her common sense attitudes are valuable for all mothers.  Stay at home moms, mothers with a homebased business, mothers working outside the home, single moms, married moms, mothers of just one child and mothers with many children all face stress and pressure in rearing their children.  Houtz makes a good point.  "... the expression 'working mother' is so odd.  Being a mother is work, period.  It's happy work, sad work, satisfying work, exasperating work, tiring work, energizing work--but it's definitely work."

I think Houtz's comparison between the woman's job at work and her job as a mother is interesting.  "Of the two, the one for which we receive a paycheck is probably the easier one.  The rules are pretty clear.  There's someone there to tell us how to do the job.  We know what time to show up and when to go home.  When we make a mistake, we find out right away, and there are ways of gauging how well we're doing; we don't have to wait 15 years to find out whether we did a good job or not.  Either we get a raise or we don't.  Either the contract is renewed or it isn't.  Either our annual review is positive or it's not.  Pretty simple compared to motherhood, isn't it?"

I know this had a lot to do with my decision to run away to the job market and then to start my own business.  It was clearly an attempt to escape from motherhood.  Houtz goes on to explain the reality of an outside career, "The perks, the strokes, the recognition, and the paycheck can all be awfully appealing, especially on a day when your 13-year-old daughter says she hates you, your dog has to go to the veterinarian, and the plumber has had the water in your house turned off for two days.  Motherhood is not an easy job; in fact, if you're like (Houtz and me), your job outside the home is probably infinitely easier and more manageable than your job at home."

I love this gal!  She confirms what I've been saying all along...relax.  "Let's be more reasonable about our expectations of ourselves.  If we know there's no way we can pick up that suit at the cleaners, let's say so and make some other arrangement.  If we snap at a child or spouse, let's apologize to them and then forgive ourselves, knowing it's bound to happen from time to time.  If the house isn't straight out of Better Homes and Gardens all the time, so be it.  Let's set some priorities we are comfortable with and stop criticizing ourselves for our failures."

Houtz has a chapter entitled, "The Three G's: Guilt, Guilt, Guilt."  She explains them as "I-Should-Be-Doing-Something-Else Guilt"; "But-I'mSuperhuman-Guilt"; and "No-Win-Guilt."  

Sound familiar?  As I said, you don't have to be a working mother to relate to her book.


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