Dave asked Dad to hire an accountant, but he constantly refused. He’d always done his own taxes and he said he didn't want to burden an accountant with his piles of paper.  We thought he was probably more than a bit embarrassed, too. 

Dad hadn’t paid his taxes for the last 3 or 4 years, though he had apparently paid his quarterly estimated taxes and applied for extensions.  

I understood a bit about taxes, so I offered to help Dave deal with the IRS, which by this time was sending threatening letters.  

Dave was thankful for the help, so I told him not to bother asking Dad about the taxes anymore.  I just asked him to grab any papers Dad might have so Julie and I could begin to reconstruct the tax years when we visited.  

Dave discussed with Dad the idea of my taking him to see the IRS in person and he liked that because he wanted to explain why he had stopped filing returns.  

Our goal was to get permission for Dave’s CPA to help do Dad’s taxes. But Dad made it abundantly clear that he wouldn't sign returns prepared by anyone we hired.  

During our next visit Julie and I took him to an appointment with the IRS, where they convinced him to sign an IRS form 2848* to allow Dave’s CPA to untangle his tax mess. As a result, his back taxes were finally prepared and ready to sign and a large check to pay off all the back taxes and penalties was submitted..

Note:   When the trash wasn’t picked up for several weeks, Dave discovered that Dad had failed to pay the bill.  And, amazingly, Dave was successful in convincing Dad that if he became a signer on Dad’s checking account, Dave could help to pay the bills. After many conversational battles, Dad agreed. Dave easily paid the bills on-line and I was  a back-up signer. Dad’s finances finally seemed under control…but wait! 

Dave eventually got  Dad to sign off on a partial Power of Attorney, but apparently the IRS would not accept Dave's limited Power of Attorney signature, so they refused the returns and the payments!  We were back to square one, unless Dad signed the returns… 

Dave emailed:

“This opened a can of worms when I had to call it to Dad's attention. He got upset with me for signing them. He threatened me with reporting me to the IRS for this and with opening his mail. He wasn't going to sign the forms! I had him talk to the CPA about it. The conversation went in circles for 1/2 an hour or so. Finally the CPA convinced Dad that he knew what he was doing and he prepared the returns and that Dad should sign.”

 After 8 years, we were finally successful in handling this major financial mess with the IRS and Dad’s taxes were paid. All that was left was the negotiation process to get some of the penalties refunded or reduced due to our Dad’s Dementia and obvious inability to file his taxes. 

Dave never discussed taxes with Dad again.

* The IRS only honors their form 2848 for anyone paying another person’s taxes (including a family member.)