As you enter holidays and other significant “couple” days here are some tips to help you or a grieving friend through their Year of Firsts

1. Don’t Be Blindsided

Awareness of the approaching anniversary, birthday, holiday or time of year helps you not to be caught off guard. Know these dates are coming. Don’t let them sneak up on you. Protect yourself.

2. Ignoring These Special Days Won’t Help You

It may be tempting to think about just ignoring it and letting the day pass. That won’t help! Don’t miss the opportunities you have to share the day with those who care about you. Missing these opportunities may mean spending the day alone at a time when you need others to surround you. A friend of mine took me out to breakfast on Cal’s birthday and the kids and I had dinner at his favorite restaurant that night.

Grief is a journey and the first year has many milestones of living life without your person. It is not about forgetting that person, it is finding new ways to live life without them.

3. Planning Can Help

Make plans to mark the upcoming occasion. I make trips to the cemetery on some of these significant days. It might mean spending a holiday together with other widowed people. Include your family when possible.

4. Acknowledge Your Loss

Ignoring the day doesn’t work. Facing the loss directly is a much healthier way to cope.

You might choose to acknowledge your loss privately by visiting the cemetery or going to church to say a prayer or to communicate with your loved one. When spending the day with others who share your loss it may be good to include a mention, toast, or other remembrance of the one who died. We all released balloons to commemorate Cal’s birthday that first year.

5. Being Alone Isn’t Always Good

Avoid spending the day alone, if at all possible. Do something you enjoy with someone special.

The idea is to own your loss, making every effort to celebrate the occasion in a way that is pleasant. This is a good way to cope with the Year of Firsts and can lead you toward healing.